These Phrases from A Parent Which Saved Me when I became a New Father

"In my view I was just in survival mode for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the demands of being a father.

Yet the actual experience soon proved to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health problems around the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her main carer as well as caring for their infant son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, each diaper… every walk. The duty of mother and father," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a chat with his father, on a public seat, that helped him see he needed help.

The simple words "You're not in a good spot. You need assistance. How can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and start recovering.

His experience is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While the public is now better used to discussing the strain on mothers and about PND, less is said about the difficulties fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan believes his struggles are symptomatic of a wider failure to communicate between men, who often absorb negative ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets hit and stays upright with each wave."

"It isn't a show of weakness to ask for help. I failed to do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, says men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - most notably in front of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental state is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the space to take a break - going on a few days abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He came to see he had to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's feelings in addition to the day-to-day duties of looking after a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has changed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son better understand the expression of emotion and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen did not have consistent male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, deep-held emotional pain resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions caused him to make "poor choices" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, turning in drink and drugs as an escape from the pain.

"You turn to things that aren't helpful," he explains. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will in the end make things worse."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, speak to a family member, your other half or a counsellor how you're feeling. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the things that made you feel like you before the baby arrived. This might be playing sport, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - eating well, getting some exercise and if you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is doing.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - listening to their experiences, the difficult parts, along with the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help isn't failing - looking after your own well-being is the most effective way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead provide the stability and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the emotions constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they faced their issues, altered how they express themselves, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… sitting with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I said, at times I believe my job is to instruct and tell you what to do, but actually, it's a exchange. I'm learning as much as you are through this experience."